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Loves Lost Memory
a collection of poetic essays written through the veils of emotion by Blanche McLanahan

::. Section #1 .......::. Section #3 .......::. Section #2 .......::. Section 4 ::.



And so your honour might you tell me..............for where from I view I assummed you could see me. And should my light of truth ever shed your brow, 'tis then that your heart and its justice should find me now. I see not what I saw. You see, it now appears somewhat afar. For from where I viewed, I thought I was looking at you.


Man's Justice speaks with forked tongue

At once for truth then opposition claims the lies.

It is as the double edged sword and I thank God it cuts both ways.

For years she had no eye,

So we found other ways to see.

But now she has no heart and humanity will not survive.

We stand accused and so we must stand to defend the lies. It is not for truth we stand, but for the lies brought forth against us. The courts have no heart to hear your plea, as they can no more see through deception than you or I. Their world too suffers the pain of the illusion which masks the truth as to why we do the things we do.

Judicial complexity has set compromise in the simplistic reasoning of truth. And we the people must speak up and demand our rights. It is not the one out of many to speak for the whole, but the many who will stand and speak for the one. And as man is unite in a belief system that is good for all, then we as a nation shall in time undo our wrongs and be forgiven. Forgiveness comes from the heart of man and vengeance is self inflicted and suffered by God's hand.

'Proper Attire'

Illusive world to sight of eye as time heaves matter.

Space to gain way as energy dissipates into effect.

Presumptive pictures of its mass 'tis bred in dreams where reality is reflect.

To the window and beyond the harsh mirror in which we look is yet to claim denial.

And too the child cannot open this door, closing in spite of their sweet faces.

Such is the nature of the illusion on which we rely.

Fit is he who survives beyond masked faces.

Appearance to encapsulate these bodies truths.

Strength dresses proportionate behind benefits of human attire.

Slightly bound struggling to loosen girdled constraint

Lifting momentarily lifes continued complaint..........

Must we become dressed in that which does not suit us?

Despite man's efforts justice in time will suit itself.


The names have not been changed

As not to distort the true guilty faces.

For what lies in their face is truth

That the heart never erases.

In passage of verse to reflect in the mirror

Self justice serves all done in error.

However they justify action by tainted word,

The face will express any lie heard.

Vengeance is mine doest sayeth the Lord,

It is he to sever betrayal with edge of his sword.

So as the sons must pay for their father's debt,

And his mother wronged takes the life she once kept....

It is here we give name in the mirrors discord,

Truth wins and the lies go unheard.

Though some distort the faces you perceive,

Never shall they hide guilt of one who deceives.

It is in lesson to be learned as our morals discern,

"tis truth of the heart's ritualistic glow that burns.

We reap all that we sow and each man doest know,

The minds garden has flowers and here too the weeds grow.

So it is in the right or wrong of things when making our choice,

Should we lie, then there will be no one to hear our heart's voice.

In Moments Stilled

Lifeless were you on deaths bed

Moribund thoughts now to reek

Human thought frozen to reason

The action my eye is compelled to seek.

Destiny locked in time

Filtering the future

Our past yet to climb.

No brief held to prepare

The glimpses of each moment

So unaware to be caught in death's snare.

Spoken loudly the answer to come

Soft warning voice told of a future

To leave memory in this place I now long.

As though clearing a passage

For acceptance of transition

Then releasing my body

Our lives only true possession.

Mystic breath hovered shrouding my soul

Infiltrating my senses in plain view

At the moment death found his body

Frigid as the winter's cold.

Strife clutched against my breast

Oh might I lie beside you

An eternity of you and I in death?

Thought negate to enter the mind's door

On its altar I held you

Our hearts bound evermore.

Now prepared was I.

Oh not for your demise

But knowing of life beyond

Where my spirit too shall arise.

Into and through death's bartered door

The spirit lights the path

And excludes the reality of that fateful morn.

Gently words guided me to preceed that day

Simplistic climax found truth

Awakening to what I must say.

Profoundly you spoke "you will know what you must do"

Emotions instilled understanding

Of who had murdered you.

My tears flowed in dread of your thought

Such evil and torment

Which now you'd begot.

Beyond human reasoning of all pain

Horror had found the child

And his mother to beckon a dance of refrain.

For justice to proclaim

And vengeance to free my heart

Entails no desire to hear spoken her name.

The chaos and torment of family shall end

Negative energy will dissipate

Then calm seas will envelope us,

For turbulence too has fate.

Tis truth one's word finds end

Reason knows rhyme

And in time my life shall mend.

My face doest shine of truth that lies within

Knowing her face blackened can never lie tale

For it is written in story of her sin.

Light of Truth speaks;

As not yet had I found you in your grave

Your character defamed such slander they did rave.

Remembering the sincere look trembling in fear

Your eyes still sparkled to embrace our years.

You spoke so prophetically I'd know what to do,

knowing all the while I'd be here without you.

Not even might grief know of our tear,

no moisture in soil hardened neath headstone endeared.

And our children to see the weeping truth

You crying as I held your broken youth.

Their sleep confined within safe perimeter

Protecting their delicate minds the horror of her.

One's mother to befall the stature you'd erect

Denying dreams our vows did protect.

Twisted tongue painted your death

Erecting monuments to suit her evil rath.

And the father despined in a drunken swaying stupor

Unaware of her intent which slew you.

Now he condemns you in grief and anger

Perched in her cage of precarious danger.

Weeping not or seeking out one who knew........

Consumed by self hatred for that which he failed you.

Unconscious motivation seeks new found guilt

She hides covering in warmth her black quilt.

But I see neath these blanketing dark shadows,

Bringing you to the light though now neath grave so shallow.

As I remove the filth their dirt has covered

Truth will come in lieu of remnant discovered.

And those still to love one's heart so true

Shall remove the blanketing deception

Beneath which your mother's self hatred sealed you.

Charles spirit speaks unto me;

Be not consumed

For she seeks justice which is self inflicted.

Earned seeds die neath soils tainting

That which she bequeathed unto me.

The son she bore gave her professed right

Now to instill its cessation

With an insistent wish

And due to my failure to comply.

Simply that I could love no other

As I do you

In anger she bartered

With evil to destroy you.

Cradle always my love deep in your heart

Have clear warning and know

Her intent was for you from the start.

Take that which the light bares

Void her glimmering web and snare

My mother the black widow

Has no heart to spare.

Death was the promise she made

Because I loved you

The wish now is for me

And it will come true.

Know that harm can never touch you

I forced them to snare me.....

Thus the taming of this shrew.

Reverberations of her voice elucidate

The miserable echo from her heart

For 'twas me to die that fateful morn

leaving you with the children

And her with nothing but her heart's scorn.

O' you as I know vengeance is self inflicted.

Open the door to new soft delicate mind

Leave her shadowed garden

And find the new to unwind.

Fear not for me

I am yet the child purging oceans of tears

In sadness for the mother

I had longed to love me.

And I know some day

Our arms will embrace

Forged only by eternity

That will be the place.

My death emerged in fear of her womb

So very long ago,

My fate not due you

For she found right submerged in hatred

and the son she was yet to entomb.

You'd often said how I'd lived more life than most

And now forged in eternity though I still cry

I find peace as you hear my whimpering sighs

And the voice from spirit of my ghost.

Remember the sparkle glimmering in my eyes

My touch and the love we knew

And know that I shall always love you.

One day we shall meet in density of matter again

For you and I are unite forever

With the promise of resurrection.

and then he said to me;


"I am the spark to light your way

I am you lamb I will not stray

I am the earth beneath your feet

I am strength no need for defeat.

Do not wipe me from your thoughts

As your hands dry the tears.

Do not sit and miss my touch

Think of warmth I will always be near.

Do not turn in regret of the years

The are your foundation my dear.

And when I died I knew no pain

Death is merely hesitation

Life knows no refrain.

I praised God in knowing you'd be set free

A path with new directives

Where you'd be all that you can be.

Believe in your heart

There is more love for you to gain

Yet I will always be with you

OUR LOVE is eternal and shall always remain."

To Charles I confirm;

Now as I see you break the silence of mass concealed in death's closed walls,

You have found the way to remove yourself and slowly the barriers fall.

Now from within you the strength does manifest,

No longer your being to sit still on the shelf.

As your light grows how is it in death these seeds sow?

It must be in death we finally know

And this knowledge enables embryonic seeds to grow.

I see without mine eye as the light of which you are bends to unfold

And the streams of you radiate from depths of death's glow.

Now as you come to me from within

I find my question asking just where from within had you been?

But now I feel your new strengths energy

and your reason for being again told,

And I long to become as one of you

So this insight I too might hold.

O' how deaths integrity does surpass all known

For in this your purpose has since grown....

As I breathe deeply of this sight mine eye doest see,

My mind knows it is one life's dream wept

And my heart thought could never be.

It is one transformed in the light of death where together we found;

Tis not in death to part, but to be set free.

Resurrection is transformation in the light of love

Germinating growth of this new seed...

Reaching, feeling, touching the pulsed sensations from above.

Suddenly! Sounds of justice I hear in voice of your last wish

and the laughing echo served and final

As this dish of vengeance consumed devours our heart's tears and we rejoice!

Justice so be it....Thy will be done.

For vengeance is truly that which is self inflict.

- Blanche McLanahan


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